ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
