My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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