i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
