I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Less talking, more tequila
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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