trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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