Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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