was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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