Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
