found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
