he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
