Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The power of my boobs compel you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize