So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
sarcasm needs its own font
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
