I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize