Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he was CRYING into my vagina
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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