so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my liver is dry heaving
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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