i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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