Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I believe in your delicious
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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