life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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