So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
