By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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