hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
