i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
