i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
