Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize