Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
