So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
