he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
two words: eviction party
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there is puke in my bra ... again
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize