Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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