I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
