Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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