I'm going to jail i love you
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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