Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
