Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
