Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
