I'm drive I can fine osifer
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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