I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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