Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
