I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
