I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
