summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
