idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Found the puke drawer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
