alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
