had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
