went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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