it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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