I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
