She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
