man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my poor anus
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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