OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
