his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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