Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
