I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
