Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
