With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
