drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
