It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
