grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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