she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
