wake up i wanna do it froggy style
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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