Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
