nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
