we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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