Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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